Mersey Beat: September 14 1961

Reviving the old tradition of Judro Bathing is slowly but slowly dancing in Liddypool once more. Had you remembering these owld custard of Boldy Street blowing!

The Peer Hat is very popularce for sun eating and boots for nude brighter are handys when sailing.

We are not happy with her Queen Victorious Monologue, but Walky Through Gallery is goodly when the rain, and Sit Georgie House is black (and white from the little pilgrims flying from Hellsy College).

Talk Hall is very histerical with old things wot are fakes and King Anne never slept there I tell you.

Shout Airborne is handy for planes if you like (no longer government patrolled) and the L.C.C.C. (Liddypool Cha cha cha) are doing a great thing.

The Mersey Boat is selling another three copies to some go home foreigners who went home.

A little guide to entertain may be of some helpless, so here it is:

THE CASBIN - stricktly no members only
THE SHEATES - the Bohernia of Liddypool
THE JACKARANDY - Membrains only
LA LOCANTRY - Next to La Grafty
LA MATUMBA - For a cheap heal
THE PHOELIX - Also Buhumbert
EL CAMUNAL - Bald Stream
THE DODD SPOT - Watch out for details

These are but to name a few with so little for so many, we'll fight 'em in the streets, so to Speke. We've been engaged for 43 years and he still smokes. I am an unmurdered mother of 19 years, am I pensionable? My dog bites me when I bite it. There is a lot to do in Liddypool, but not all convenience.

Editor's notes: This piece by John was a skit on the Mersey Beat 'Entertainments Guide,' published on page three of each issue. It was a guide to the local jive hives, coffee clubs, jazz clubs, restaurants and so on.

Typical entries were:
CASBAH. Hayman's Green. Strictly members only.
EL CABALA. Bold Street.
JACARANDA. Slater Street. Members only.
LA LOCANDA. Duke Street. 10p.m. until 2 a.m.
ODD SPOT. Bold Street. Opening shortly.
PHOENIX. Mount Pleasant. New members welcome.

John's 'A little guide to entertain' now becomes clearer.

The Casbah was actually run by drummer Pete Best's mother Mona and was the first club John's group the Quarry Men had a residency in. It was situated in the West Derby Village area of Liverpool.

The Sheates referred to is Streates in Mount Pleasant, a coffee bar where poetry readings by Mersey poets such as Roger McGough and Phil Tasker were held, hence John's reference to 'the Bohernia of Liddypool,' - a hang out for bohemians!

The Jacaranda was our regular haunt - being a club, it was for members only (Membrains only). Rehearsing here immediately prior to their first trip to Germany, the group finally adopted the name the Beatles.

La Locantry referred to the major Liverpool dancehall the Locarno, situated in West Derby Road. Next to it was another large ballroom, the Grafton. The Beatles were eventually to appear at both venues.

La Matumba was probably a skit on La Locanda and 'for a cheap heal' is fractured English for 'a cheap meal,' just as 'owld custard' is fractured English for 'old custom.'

The Phoelix refers to the Phoenix, while El Comunal was another nod to a large, trendy coffee shop in Bold Street.

The Dodd Spot was the Odd Spot, a new club opening in Bold Street. The club had been running a series of ads in Mersey Beat prior to opening announcing 'Watch out for details.' The Beatles were to appear here twice in 1962 - on March 29 and August 11.

Bold Street was a narrow trendy street in Liverpool city centre - and was quite windy at times, hence 'Boldy Street blowing.'

The Peer Hat is the Pier Head a ferry and bus terminus on the Mersey where Liverpudlians could catch the ferry boat to New Brighton, the nearby seaside resort where they could sun bathe.

The Queen Victoria Monument was a huge statue of Queen Victoria - which had a gent's toilet situated directly under it. Walky Through Gallery was the Walker Art Gallery, where, because it was free, one could take shelter on a rainy day and wander through the different galleries. It has since held exhibitions for 'The Art Of The Beatles' and 'Paul McCartney Paintings.'

Sit Georgie House is St George's Hall, a large building in the city centre which had turned black with pollution - but whose upper reaches had turned white with pigeon dung! The exterior has since been restored.

Talk Hall is Speke Hall, a tourist attraction at the time, with its historical furniture.

Shout Airborne refers to Speke Airport - could John have ever imagined, when he wrote this piece for me, that the airport would become officially known as the John Lennon Airport! 

'Government patrolled' is fractured English for 'Government controlled.'

Mersey Boat refers to the Mersey Beat newspaper.

John ends with a paragraph, which satirizes the advice columns in women's magazines of the time, which afforded him great amusement.

It was the Goons who often ended sentences with the words "I tell you."

John Lennon was thrilled when I printed his 'Dubious Origins' unedited. He hadn't really believed I'd publish the piece of his, which I'd commissioned. He came up to the Mersey Beat office with a big bundle of material - approximately 250 drawings, poems, stories, all in his inimitable style and told me I could have them and was free to publish whatever I wanted, transferring the rights to me.

The material was fascinating. I could detect the influence of the Goons - and also Stanley Unwin, a British radio humorist noted for his 'fractured English.' There was also a great deal of satirical comment about British politicians of the time, Alec Douglas-Home and Harold Macmillan.

I made the decision to publish John's work on a regular basis and decided on creating a pseudonym. At the time I read and enjoyed a short column of humour in the Daily Express newspaper, printed under the pseudonym Beachcomber. I decided to publish John's pieces under the name Beatcomber.

They became immensely popular and, despite the pseudonym, readers guessed the identity of the author!

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